Out with the old...

I have a hard time believing that yet another year has passed so quickly. It has been an amazing journey of love, loss, and general living. I have an even greater appreciation for longer hugs, more kisses and phone calls for no reason except to say “I love you“ or “I miss you“.

It has been a year of growing, changing, and learning. I lost more than I could imagine with a single phone call, experienced things I had never even considered, and started my life over. Some moments were fleeting -- others will be with me forever. I realized that sometimes there is truth in “out of sight, out of mind”, that old friends can be forgotten, and relationships will change or die… sometimes both. I have learned that I am more important to some people who I thought didn‘t care, and less important to some that I thought were close. I have been brought to my knees with grief, brought to tears by sadness, and nearly was destroyed by terror. I have also been tickled by innocence, overcome with love, and surrounded by joy. For all these things, I am grateful. I am a stronger woman than I was yesterday. Day by day I am learning more about the person I am, in hopes that I may be who I hope to become.

For this year, these 52 short weeks, I am challenging you to remember to say “I love you” to those who matter most. I also urge you to call someone you haven’t talked to for a while to remind them that you care. Call someone new every week. You never know how much that call might mean, or when it might be the last time you hear that voice on the other end. Life is so unsure. No one is promised a tomorrow.

I want to leave you with the prayer that I prayed for you tonight. "I pray for those of you that I love, those who I have lost, those who were left behind, and for those that I have never met. May God’s blessings rain down on you like a warm summer shower. May you know peace that comes from within, the joy in a child’s smile, and true love. May you be able to learn from mistakes and be always ready to forgive. May you be a friend to all - and have all the friends you need. I pray that your health is great, your wealth is good, and all your debts are paid. May the Lord bless you and keep you safe and sane. --Amen"

I love you for who you are and not who I wish you were.

Love Lesson

Have you ever loved someone so completely and unselfishly that you would rather see them die than watch them live? Have you ever watched someone wake up to their worst nightmare? Could you be there to see the pain and emptiness in their eyes every day? Would you smile and pray that everything will be alright or would you crumble under the pressure? Would you be able to go back day after day after day after day and nights as well? Would you go back and prove that the strength (s)he possessed your whole life has been passed on to you? Would the minuscule moments such as a fleeting smile and a single spoken word be enough to carry you? There are few women in this life who are this strong. I am lucky enough to know several. You may not know who you are, but I do...and I love you.

The Dreaded Dreadful Move... Part 2

Part 2 and day 3 finds us just north of Oklahoma City in Edmund. The weather was warm enough to melt off the worst of the weather. When we set out on Thursday morning, we were able to leave around 9am with clear roads and sunny skies. We traveled for a while before receiving a call from our movers. They had continued on into St. Louis the night before -- where their truck broke down. We kept in contact all day long, but their rig problems managed to go from bad to worse. We moved on, but my furniture was in limbo.

The day continued on and the weather remained fabulous. We managed to avoid the snow and ice all day long!! Yea!! McDonalds AGAIN for lunch. Can someone please get ANY other food chain to sprout a playground for my kids? After another long lunch we got back into the car with minimal trouble. Could the black cloud that's been chasing me be gone?? HAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

Ring Ring Ring... "Hello?" Ah, that would be my agent for the house we are buying calling. Suddenly I am now needed to be at closing this afternoon in Iowa. Obviously, I'm not going to make it by 4pm. OOPS. Now I have a meeting at 8am tomorrow with a lawyer to close on the house. Twenty minutes ago I wasn't needed at closing, but now I am. I think hear thunder in the distance. It looks like that black cloud is chasing me. Who does it think am I -- Eeyore?? Anyway, we decided to keep going as long as possible today. At 11pm we managed to make it to the apartment in Davenport without complication and without furniture.

Friday came and went without any major problems. I closed on the house and got the keys in the morning. I drove mom out to see the house, but we still had no furniture. That meant one more night at the apartment. Friday night Kyle and I decided to use, I mean utilize, momma. We left the kids with her and went scouring the city for new furniture for the house. We got back around 8:30pm. Momma had taken the kids to bed in her room. Everyone was sleeping, but I stayed up and did a few loads of laundry. Around midnight, Emily woke up and came into the living room. She was being crowded out of the bed by Jake. I told her that it was okay if she slept on the couch for the rest of the night. I turned on the kitchen light and went to bed about 12:15am.

2:30am my bedroom door flew open. The only thing I can remember is seeing a shadow in the doorway and the panicked voice of my mother yelling that the front door is standing wide open and Jake is missing!!!! My blue eyed baby was no longer in the bed. The temperature was hovering around 3 degrees outside with about 6 or so inches of snow on the ground and winds to 20 mph. Jake went to bed wearing white long johns and no socks. The apartment opens into a hallway with 4 stairwells -- 2 up and 2 down. Kyle and I flew out of the bedroom trailing mom out the door. Mom was already sailing up and down the stairs screaming out his name. I recall mom yelling "Call 911" as she and Kyle were running barefoot in pj's at top speed out the doors to check in the snow for fresh footprints. There is no way that Jake could have opened the door from the outside if he made it that far. Where is my baby?? Is he cold, lost and frightened in the snow? Has he made it as far as the busy street?? Was he taken by someone in the complex? Is he still alive? How long can he survive alone?? Am I dreaming?? Is this really happening?? I ran back into the apartment to call the police.

As I entered the apartment I started to turn on every light that I could find. Less than 2 minutes had passed since the whole ordeal had begun. Emily awoke during this time and I shouted to have her help me search every cabinet and place that he could possibly fit into. She ran into the back of the apartment and started to turn on the lights. I heard her beautiful voice yell out that he was IN MY BED!! We were so exhausted that we didn't even feel him crawl into the bed and too panicked to notice him when we ran out.

Luckily, we had a positive outcome. My heart goes out to those who are not so fortunate. It still hurts to think what could have happened. I was not able to rest for a long time afterward. It's hard to face that either of my children could be gone at this moment - Jake to this whole ordeal, or Emily to the fact that she was laying within 5 feet of an open door. We ended up pushing a couch in front of the door from then on to keep Jake inside.

Our furniture finally arrived around noon on Saturday. I was able to get enough set up so we would not be spending any more time at the apartment. Yippee! I was so happy to be away from the scene of my worst nightmare.

Sunday came along right after Saturday. Today we said goodbye to mom. Jake and Emily did not want Sunshine to go, but planes wait for no one. We dropped her off at the gate and left. Mom had to make 2 connections to get home. She made them without any problems, but took a piece of my storm cloud home with her. After the plane was circling the runway for 20 minutes, the announcement came over the PA that fog had set in and they would be returning to Houston. Mom did her best to get home, but stopped short of riding with a car full of drunks who were also returned to sender. After a restless night in the airport terminal, she finally made it home on Monday.

We had the locks changed on the house to keep Jake from escaping again. I had extra locks put on the sliders as well. I feel reasonably safe to turn my back for an instant... but not quite a minute.

I wish I could tell you that these were all the hiccups and glitches we had, but I would be lying. All I can say is that I am glad we survived so far. I look forward to when this is just a distant memory tucked deep into a dusty corner of my mind. It all worked out in the end. It usually does. You can thank God for that.

The Dreaded Dreadful Move... Part 1

I know that it has been 5 weeks since we left Granbury, but it feels like yesterday to me. I just wanted to take a few minutes to share a few of the details of our move.

The entire week before leaving Granbury, I was made aware of how much we were going to be missed. We had goodbye after goodbye to say and friendships to celebrate. Brokenhearted, but trying to remain positive, things were moving on at a snail's pace. It was difficult to accept that we were really leaving because every day we were coming home to a house still intact. We had packers coming to take care of the house, so I had tons to do with all the details -- but it didn't feel like we were really leaving.

We were due to close on selling the house on Friday morning. Thursday, at about 4:30pm my parents called and said that they were at my house. They drove over five hours to move me to Iowa. Daddy and momma wanted to follow me in their own car to make sure that the kids and I arrived safe and sound. I was in town at the Bisque House having another goodbye time with friends. At 4:45pm, while painting, I received a panicked phone call from my real estate agent saying that the buyers paperwork was not in order and we were not closing on Friday morning... possibly not at all!! We called the packers and movers and had to cancel them coming on Friday. My folks had driven up for nothing.

Friday morning, momma and daddy decided to go ahead and go home. Daddy wanted to waste as little vacation time as possible so that he could move us when the time came. I said goodbye to them at about 9:30am. At 10:30am I received a call saying that the buyers were closing in 30 minutes. Could I go ahead and come in later in the day? I immediately called the folks, who were in Hico getting gas. Daddy had already cancelled his vacation, but momma would still ride with us to Iowa. I flew to meet them in Glen Rose so I could get back and close on the house in Acton. SO.. after many telephone calls and a sleepless night, we closed on the house late on Friday afternoon. I then had to call to get back on the mover's schedule. I was lucky that they were able to get to us quickly. Quickly, however, could not beat the rain and cold front that was arriving in Granbury.

Monday the packers arrived in the drizzle and my life began disappearing into a sea of cardboard. I was so grateful that the kids were in school and not home watching the house implode. The packers were also the movers. Although it isn't protocol, they began to pack the moving truck on Monday. Seeing as they had 2 days and it was getting nastier outside, the movers quit early in the afternoon.

Tuesday finally arrived. I took the kids to school and came home to a mess. Somehow in the confusion of my life, I had forgotten to get permission to have a moving truck within the gates of Pecan. Today they were not going to allow the truck in without a confirmation number from the office. They did let one of the movers in the gate to come to my house and let me know what was going on. The person who gives the confirmation numbers was late to work and I was freaking out. I felt like I was going to explode into a thousand pieces. Eventually the woman arrived at work. She called momma as I was pulling into the security office to confront anyone who would listen to me. An hour and a half of unwanted stress and wasted time. The rest of the packing and loading went very quickly. I had to pick up Jake at school at 10:30am, but I let Emily stay for as long as possible. Jake was quite content to watch movies in the car with Peepaw as the truck was being loaded.

After the house was emptied, I said my goodbyes to the inside and locked the doors. The latch echoed in my ears as I pulled the door shut. I sat in my friend and neighbor Judi's driveway and watched the moving van as it idled in front of the house where I brought my tiny baby home from the hospital. I couldn't bear to watch it pull away, so I had to leave it behind and head up to the school to get Emily. I will gloss over the details of the goodbyes, but we finally left the school around 2pm. Momma and I had planned to make it to the northern side of Oklahoma City before stopping for the night. Remember the cold front I mentioned... Well, it turned into a full blown ice storm. We made it to Alliance Field, just south of Denton, and had to stop. We checked into our room and watched as the cars slid on the interstate. We saw 4 accidents in about 5, count them 5 minutes. When the weather turned, it was really nasty.

On Wednesday, the weather was so terrible that we didn't leave the hotel until noon. Oklahoma was in a state of emergency, but we decided to press on anyway. We decided that we would try to get as far as we could, no matter if we went two or 200 miles. We made it as far as Edmond, Oklahoma before we couldn't go much further. The road conditions were as bad as I have ever had the misfortune to see. We were traveling at 5 miles per hour down the interstate. My shocks will never be the same after those icy washboard roads. The state was trying to keep up with the weather, but the lanes were so bad that 18 wheelers were passing me in my own lane. There was no place to pull over or pull off. I kept going because there was no stopping. I wish that I was exaggerating, but my imagination isn't nearly as good as my memory. There were a few times that I had my doubts on us surviving the day. The kids were awesome. They did not complain or get upset. We ended up stopping at a McDonalds and let them play for and hour or so everyday. On this day, we were in the middle of nowhere off the interstate in 12 inches of slush. There was another lady in the next booth who said that north of where we were was much better as for the conditions of the road and weather in general. SHE LIED!! We hit the mess only worse!! AHHHHH! We got almost to OK City and the roads cleared. Momma is the city driver, so she wanted to get through OKC to avoid the rush hour traffic on Thursday.

I will continue this in part two of the drama... "The Dreaded Dreadful Move."

A trip to Fossil Rim

I cannot tell you how much more fun Fossil Rim is during the winter than in the summer. Our little excursion was taken during the crisp morning/warm afternoon days we have been having lately. We had a ball. Emily and Jake loved all the animals. Who, by the way, were actually out and moving without having a heat stroke.

Emily loved the zebras that were roaming around. I had one literally kiss my car's window twice. He was begging for food, but there is a CAUTION: ZEBRA'S BITE sign so I would not roll down the windows. I'm pretty positive that sign is needed because another zebra kept biting my mirror! They chased us for a while until they realized I was not going to feed them.

Jake fell in love at the petting zoo. There were not too many animals on show, but after the scare with rabies a few years ago (remember that??), I wasn't sure I wanted to be in there in the first place. Well, getting Jake away from his little goat friend was difficult at best. He kept stroking it's beard. While we were playing, someone left the petting area gate open and we had to wait to get out of the pen until one of the workers could wrangle two other goats that had gotten out. We managed to escape eventually, but Jake ended up with a goat anyway. Meemaw got Jake his own white goat that he can love on.

A Day out at Papa's House

Did you ever have one of those days?? Well, today was mine. I always love going to see my papa and nana. Today was no exception. However, papa was busy cutting up a pair of wild hogs he had just killed and nana was busy doing nana things. Mom sat down to help papa carve up the meat while I was left to deal with the kids. We decided to make the most of a warm winter's day by staying outside and out of trouble. Haha. I heard you laugh and you were right.

Emily fed bread and cereal to the chickens, chased the cats, and entertained herself with anything and everything that she saw. Lightning, um, I mean Jake was crawling through the chicken poo, throwing dirt, climbing under buildings, on tractors, and over anything that was standing in his way. I could barely get ahold of the boy before he was off again. By the late afternoon, the "mountain" was the lesser of all the evils that lurked about. The kids had a great time climbing and sliding in the dirt. They were busy for hours!! Jake didn't even make it to the end of our visit before he fell asleep. Emily did make it to bedtime, but there was no protesting the welcomed sleep. Now where can I get one of these mountain things for my house.....

Merry Christmas!!

For the secularist:

There were the shopping trips for "just one more thing," milk and cupcakes for Santa, and the Christmas tree that threw up from all the "love" sent by relatives and friends... Emily and Jake had a great morning opening each and every present they could get their hands on. Emily is familiar with the process and ripped right through her boxes so she could get busy playing with her new toys. Jake was not so ambitious. He wanted to "opie" all of his gifts, but would get sidetracked playing with each one as it was unwrapped. Every so often, I would have to convince him to open something else. Eventually, all was opened and one more bright Christmas morning was transformed from anticipation to a memory.

For the sentimentalist:

Long after the eggnog is gone and the fruitcake is tossed, I will still be opening my gifts from you. Every one of you who is reading this is my gift. Your time and friendship and love are the greatest gifts you could have given me this year. I want to thank each one of you special people for being in my life. I hope that I have been as great a gift to you, as you have been to me. Thank you for being my friend.

FYI... To all of you who haven't received my imaginary Christmas cards yet this year, please know that they are not in the mail!